>Motherhood

>Mommy Graphics

I’m not talking about the maternity store. I’m talking about being mothers, mothering, and all of that jazz that comes along with it.
I was able to spend some time with a great group of ladies from the AP group here. They came over to hang out with me on Wednesday. I can’t tell you how much I love adult mommy time.
We talked, laughed, and talked some more. It was great to spend time with other moms who are real. Let me explain that statement.

In the online world you can be whoever, and whatever you want to be. I read other blogs, and get so upset with myself sometimes. I wonder ” why can’t I be more like that mom?” When the truth is, I’m only seeing what others allow me to see online. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that everyone online is a fraud. I hope you all don’t think that I am.
I like to keep it real. I love my children, but some days it’s a struggle to stay in a positive state of mind.

I’ve come across women online and in real life, and they are so easy going ALL THE TIME. I wonder how do you do it? Are you high all the time, do you do meth, are you on the highest dosage of Prozac there is? Are they a naturally joyous, and even type of woman? I wonder if they are truly always this Michelle Duggarish, or is it a be on your best behavior in front of others kind of thing.
I’m not knocking anti- depressants. I’ve been on them before myself. Without them, I wouldn’t have survived at certain points in my life.
One thing I notice, people hear or see the word Attachment Parenting, and they assume that I think I’m better than they are. Um….sorry to burst your bubble, and stop you from going off on me, but that is so far from the truth!

I’m a human, not a programmed robot. I have this type A personality. I like to have things just so. I plan, and when things don’t go according to plan, I get anxiety and start to freak out.
I have this image in my head of how I would like the day to go. One of the girls isn’t very happy at the moment, and it seems to go downhill from there. I have been doing better though!
Remember my post about Parenting Resolutions? Since before that post, I’ve really been working on being in the moment, even if it’s a bad one. It will pass. Getting it down where I can see it, and be held accountable for it, makes it easier for me. I get to update my progress with all of you lovely people.

The other night I went to bed, and couldn’t fall asleep. I kept thinking ” I didn’t do enough with them today.” And “I used a sharp tone during this interaction earlier in the day” I was seriously lying there beating myself up over every single thing that went wrong that day, or didn’t go according to plan.
I couldn’t help it, I felt horrible. Then I started thinking about other moms I’ve come in contact with, and wondering how she seems to manage to keep it together all the time.
I was finally able to fall asleep, after I told myself that I will learn from these mistakes like I do everything else. I’m not a horrible person, and taking note of the behavior I want to change is a step in the right direction towards changing it.

So I am asking you the question. How do you deal with mommy guilt? Do you compare yourselves to other mommies that you’ve met online, and in person? How do stay away from trying to be perfect, and not beat yourself up over every single thing?

*******************************

I just found this in my mailbox, and thought it was so perfect for my post.

:: Detoxifying Parental Guilt ::

Are you plagued by guilt whenever you fall short of
your parenting ideals? Such guilt may seem a natural
response, but it’s not… It’s *cultural*.

Our culture conditions people to believe that their
worth depends on their behavior, so that when your
behavior is “wrong” you doubt your self-worth, i.e.,
you feel guilty.

But if you knew absolutely that you *are* worthy of
love and respect — *unconditionally* — you’d never
feel guilty. You’d simply feel “off” whenever your
behavior was out of alignment with your values.

That “off” feeling would be a welcome sign that you
need to adjust your course. And with your self-worth
beyond dispute, you’d be confident in your ability to
get back on track.

So next time you feel parental guilt, say to yourself,
“This has nothing to do with my inherent worth —
that’s a given. I made a mistake, but I can learn from
it. I got a little lost, but I’m finding my way.”

http://dailygroove.net/parental-guilt

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10 thoughts on “>Motherhood

  1. >Hello Darcel. Thank you so much for visiting my blog and allowing me to find yours. In addition to a few smiles while enjoying your well-written piece, several things immediately came to mind:Will Rogers wrote: "Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment". How else do we grow?Whenever I'm confronted with a situation or circumstance, I always ask myself, "What is the worst thing that can happen".As for worry: I read somewhere something like, "See, worry does pay off… I worried and it didn't happen". I can tell you are a good mom and that you want only the best for your children and husband, or your wouldn't worry. We can never be "perfect" so don't judge yourself by what others may say they do. You know what is right and wrong and will do the right thing because of the love you have for yourself and for your family. Remember to close your eyes and breathe deeply, and listen to your heart. Blessings to you and your family, Diana

  2. >Oh yeah. Do I ever. You are not alone Darcel! Not at all. And I deal with my guilt by going to bed at night. The next morning is a new day and I try again. Hugs! xx

  3. >You are so right about parenting being much better with a village. I spoke about that very village in my latest post!! Thank you so much for that resource GEM! I love it! Mommy Guilt is real, and it takes practice and self-soothing, and of course the village, to remind us that we are in fact doing the best we can each day. That "best" changes from day to day, but if one day a harsh tone is present, and that makes you uncomfortable, then the next day you work on it. We are people first and mothers second and all of us (myself included!) need to remind ourselves of that each day. GREAT POST!!

  4. >So, glad I found you via Blogs Her Color. I often feel alone when it comes to mommy guilt. "Michelle Duggarish" is funny. She has no room for a meltdown. But the mom with the statistical amount of kids does make me wonder what's up when she seems to always have it together.

  5. >I know I'm not alone, but it can feel that way at times. I'm trying to get my village together.Being a mom is easier when you have a great support system.Thanks for the honest comments ladies!

  6. >Oh yeah. Do I ever. You are not alone Darcel! Not at all. And I deal with my guilt by going to bed at night. The next morning is a new day and I try again. Hugs! xx

  7. >Hello Darcel. Thank you so much for visiting my blog and allowing me to find yours. In addition to a few smiles while enjoying your well-written piece, several things immediately came to mind:Will Rogers wrote: "Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment". How else do we grow?Whenever I'm confronted with a situation or circumstance, I always ask myself, "What is the worst thing that can happen".As for worry: I read somewhere something like, "See, worry does pay off… I worried and it didn't happen". I can tell you are a good mom and that you want only the best for your children and husband, or your wouldn't worry. We can never be "perfect" so don't judge yourself by what others may say they do. You know what is right and wrong and will do the right thing because of the love you have for yourself and for your family. Remember to close your eyes and breathe deeply, and listen to your heart. Blessings to you and your family, Diana

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