>Thursday Talk: Life In General Right Now

>I’m starting a new series called Thursday Talk. Each week I’ll talk about something specific like one of the eight principles of Attachment Parenting, or Birth Matters, or how and why we unschool, why we don’t vaccinate. Maybe I’ll do all of those topics in a series.

So for the first post I am going to talk about my life. Exciting, I know.

I have been feeling more stressed than usual lately. Samuel is teething again. You know, it seems he’s been teething since December of last year when he sprouted his first tooth. Then I feel bad for getting frustrated that he’s not sleeping as much during the day. He can’t help it. So I do my best to remain calm so he doesn’t feel my tension on top of what he may already feel.

This winter has been rough. Ava and Samuel have caught every cold out there. As soon as they are getting over a cold(that seems to last for at least a week)they are hit with a new one, or maybe it’s the same virus. I wonder if it has to do with dairy. Samuel’s eczema has flared up again. I think it’s a combination of something I unknowingly ate that had dairy in it and his teething.

I am feeling so touched out lately. There is always someone who needs something. I know this
is a part of mothering, but I’m feeling like I could use some mothering too.
I feel like I’m constantly on the move. Just thinking of all that needs done makes me feel anxious.

One thing that could help ease my tension, warmer weather. I cannot deal with all this rain, snow flurries and all around doom that seems to be lingering in the air. What it’s not been that way for you? Well then you should consider yourself lucky, and me jealous of you.

I’m starting to have trouble with the amount of people in the house(there are eight of us)
I love my family but sometimes I just want to be alone! I’m very glad that my mom and brother
are here now. The kids are adoring them and vice versa. My mom and I get to rebuild our relationship. You know how you make plans and they don’t workout the way you planned? Yea that’s what happened here. I am sick and tired of looking at all of the boxes stacked all over my house. This doesn’t even feel like my house anymore! I wake up and go to bed with clutter.

I go back and forth between not wanting to leave the house because I don’t want to be around a lot of people, but I don’t need to isolate myself right now either.
Then there are days where I don’t want to come home because I know I won’t be alone with my kids.

I really shouldn’t complain. As I sit here pecking this out. Charles is upstairs with both of the girls getting them to bed, and Samuel is on my lap asleep. Instead I feel anxious and crowded. Not a good combination. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I love being a mom and wife. I suppose that I sometimes feel like I’m not built for all that life is throwing at me.

It seems every few weeks I’m here venting. I guess I want people to know that I’m real. Sometimes I feel like I’m blogging a lie because I don’t share every juicy detail of my life. I love sharing the joyous moments and talking about them with you, and it’s also nice to look back on my bad days and remember those moments. But I am human. Not a super human. Although sometimes being a super wouldn’t be so bad.

I am usually a organized person, but lately I have felt like there is no need. Everything will be a mess within minutes anyway.

Maybe I need to work on being more flexible instead of balanced?

I want to know that in the greater scheme of things having boxes all over the place doesn’t matter.
I want to know that I can get through this spell in my life…even if it goes on a few more months. I know it will get warmer eventually. I also know I’m growing impatient of waiting for warm sunny days. I’ve been spoiled by the ones we’ve had so far this year.

Maybe I have a (bad) case of the winter blues combined with everything else we have going on? Whatever it is I will be so glad when it passes. Feeling like this several times a week is mentally and physically exhausting.

Never miss an update. Subscribe to The Mahogany Way.  Follow me on Twitter at MahoganyWayMama, or like my page on Facebook. Are you a mom of color? Be sure to join my Community for Moms of Color.


6 thoughts on “>Thursday Talk: Life In General Right Now

  1. >Love you sister girl, sending cyber{{hugs}}, this wonderful blogging community adores you, understands you, I am there, been there and will probably be there next week, hold on while I stop the 2 year old from beating his 4 year old sister with a ruler!!!…..see what I mean. You are doing a hard and wonderful job. I see u and appreciate all the work u are doing. Good or bad we are listening and through words we begin to really care.

  2. >Yes Darcel, I feel the same way sometimes. I know for sure it is a bad case of the winter blues. Being a SAHM/WAHM, homeschooling mom of 6 including 2 year old twins & a 5 month old nursling, and not being able to go out everyday for some sunshine and fresh air can definitely be taxing. I am so looking forward to the warmer weather and brighter colors outdoors! We are almost there. ;0)

  3. >You don't sound like yourself at all. You do need some vitamin sun! And some reassurance that it's natural to want space, me time, peace and quiet. Where is it written that mothers have to be these self-sacrificing martyrs 24/7-365 days of the year? You are feeling bad because you are neglecting yourself and vice versa. I wish all moms could cut ourselves some slack and not feel guilty for wanting a break now and then. I lovingly suggest that you let you mom, brother, Charles take the kids for a day (a whole day!) and you go somewhere alone. go sit in the park (if its warm) or at the library. get a massage and then go for frozen yogurt. don't call or text your family. Take the time for yourself so you can recharge. I promise you'll come back refreshed and ready to handle the stress. I had to learn this the very hard way.

  4. >You are in a situation that could get on even the calmest of monks nerves! I and my little 4 person family had to live with my parents 3 years ago for about 9 months. In my head I thought it was going to be all fun times and good vibes. In reality, I had forgotten all the annoying things my family did which made me grateful to be in my own space with my own family and implementing things in our lives that I felt were missing in my youth. So here's what you do. Once a month, hand the kids off to the husband or mother or brother, grab the keys and 10-15 bucks, a good book or magazine you've been dying to read, and head to the nearest IHOP, Denny's, greasy spoon diner in town and have a good ol sit down dinner – with yourself. It does wonders for your psyche and helping to power down and up at the same time. Sometimes you just need that alone time to get back to yourself and give some space in your brain a rest. Hang in there sweets.My best, Lynn

  5. >Hang in there! I think once warm weather (finally) arrives, and you can get out more, things will get a little easier. And Samuel (hopefully, lol) won't be teething forever. I know, typing it out won't do anything about right now, but hey. At least it's supposed to be sunny tomorrow!

  6. >Oh, Darcel…. You are a woman after my own heart, which is not a new thought / realization for me. There are not 8 people in my home, and I often feel touched out and crowded. Cut yourself some slack. My step-mom said something to me when Mega Man was less than a year old and I was struggling through deployment-induced single parenthood that I will never forgot. "Those June Cleaver moms… They don't exist. If someone tells you or tries to show you their life is like that, they're lying… or they're on some really good sh*t!" It's so true! I think you have every right to feel the way you do AND to complain / vent about it! If you ever want to get out, but don't want to be around a GROUP of people, call us. My gaggle will come to you, you can come here, or we can meet somewhere and let the kids run while we sip mimosas (HA!). For me, I think my current mood is due to a few of the same things you listed. The apparent relapse of winter weather (LAME!!!) and a teething, chomping, nursing toddler, makes for a very moody mama. I am trying to remember to bask in front of my sun lamp (which is the only way I survive winter), and remind myself (even as I restrain myself from flicking her in the nose for gnawing on me for the umpteenth time!) that she will not nurse forever. It's not a "Remember that it could be worse / won't last forever" thing for me, but a "get through the moment" kind of thing. Call me if you need to vent / chat. That's what friends are for!

Love Notes

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s