Here I go again wondering if I’m doing enough….If I’m a good enough mom.
So many of my friends hold degrees, or are going back to school to get that degree. They are Doulas, Midwives, Lactation Consultants, Mothers, Teachers, Bloggers, Humanitarians, Homesteaders.
They find time to cook fresh, homecooked meals from their gardens for the family. They shop all organic, or pretty close to it. They can knit, sew, crochet, or all three.
Their homes are nicely decorated.
Let’s not forget how even and gentle they are with their children. I am not gentle by nature….it’s something I work hard at, and still feel like I’m failing in that department most days.
And all this crunchy, natural family living goodness doesn’t stop with my friends. I see it on so many blogs I read.
Then there’s me. Mom to three. No degree, or plans of getting one. I can barely knit and crochet. Still haven’t learned to sew. We can’t afford to shop organic. I’m working on decorating our new place. Don’t have a garden, don’t know much about it, but I’m hoping to grow something this year.
A couple days ago on twitter, I mentioned it being my second trip to Walmart. I got jumped on for that. They told me drving 30+ minutes out of the way to pay more for food and gas was a small sacrifice. Oh, I also can buy in bulk with a group to save money.
I’m still wondering how this person knows what I can and can’t do.
The Walmart is 10 minutes or less down the road. Maybe they haven’t realized gas is $4 a gallon. Maybe they think since they can afford driving all over town to shop, everyone else can too.
When I whine and vent these things to my husband, he looks at me like I’ve lost it. He asks me why I’m always comparing myself to these women. He tells me that the way we live is fine. Our children are happy and healthy, and he loves my cooking.
He has also told me to stop reading those blogs, and to stay away from certain people if all I’m going to do is compare myself.
He reminds me that we’re not in their house. We don’t know what goes on day to day. Then he says that someone could be feeling the same way about me. I highly doubt that!
So I’ve stopped reading blogs, and cut back on hanging out with certain crowds.
Still I wonder why can’t I do more. Why can’t I be the unschooling mom that can knit or sew up clothing for my family in a few days?
Why can’t I be a mother and a student midwife?
Why am I always questioning if I’m good enough? Did it come from childhood, or did it really settle in once I became a mom?
Will I always feel this way no matter what I do?
Why do I let society at large tell me that being a stay at home mom is meaningless?
The thing is….I absolutely love staying home and being with my kids. I just don’t understand why some days it’s enough, but lately I’m feeling like this.
Maybe these answers will come to me over time. Feeling like this isn’t good for me or my family.
I read a link that Dee posted on twitter yesterday .This woman says it so well….
Your Children Want YOU! Maybe if I keep reading it, what she says will finally start to sink in.
Have you ever felt this way?
How did or are you handling it?