I was up until about 2am this morning. I felt like I couldn’t go to sleep until I had resolved all that was causing me to worry.
I’ve been worried about my mental health. If you’re new here….I have a history of depression, and it appears to be rearing it’s ugly head at me again.
We had some friends over a couple days ago and we all had such a good time. They helped me talk through a few things. It’s so hard to see clearly sometimes when we’re in the midst of our troubles.
I’ve mentioned before how glad I am that the kids activities are over for the Summer. I’m happy that I’m not driving all over town every other day. They’re supposed to start soccer and ballet back up in the Fall, but I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea right now. Girl Scouts and Homeschool Co-op also start back up in the Fall. We’ve moved so we need to save on gas for one, and two, I just can’t handle that schedule again so soon.
We’re thinking of talking with the girls and telling them that right now they can have co-op and one other activity. Then we’ll re-evaluate again in the Spring. There’s also moving their activities to our new area of town. I know there’s a soccer league, ballet schools, Rec Center, and YMCA out here. They may not be happy about the change at first, but I think they’ll be ok, and I think giving them a choice will help.
As much as I love staying home and unschooling….something has got to give, besides me. Nakiah likes to be on the go constantly, Ava doesn’t care either day, I can only be home two days maximum before cabin fever sets in.
We’re also still waiting on insurance. Charles started a new job about a month ago and we can get insurance through them, but there’s a waiting period. applied for Medicaid, but that’s also a long process. We’re using WIC again after 3-4 years. I’ve applied at some work from home companies in the past two days.
I’m worried that we’re not providing the way we should be for the kids. I’m worried that we’ll continue to wait for insurance, and all three kids have asthma, and we need to get to the dentist.
I’m worried that people think we’re lazy because we didn’t go to college, or we didn’t work hard enough, and that’s why we are where we are right now. I know we aren’t lazy, but I get sick of being judged by people who live in their privileged bubbles looking down on us, or anyone else that doesn’t measure up, or have what they do.
I’m worried that our van is going to give out on us and its our only vehicle.
I’m worried that I come off as a basket case lately.
I’m enjoying being home today. I’ve done a little gardening, some laundry, and I think that’s all I’m doing today. The rest of the house is gonna have to wait. I need to recharge and try to stop worrying so much.
Sorry for such downer post, but I’m not really a glass is half full kinda girl. While I love sharing and focusing on the good in this space, it’s just not an accurate depiction of my life. I blog about what’s going on in my life and this is where I am right now…..trying to hold it together as best I can.