Would You Mind If I Just Write?

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I’ve been thinking and not writing about what I’m thinking. I like talking. If I could get paid to talk, I would. I also like to write and when I can’t talk to someone, I write. Actually, I do both. The order in which that happens can vary.

I miss telling stories about all the craziness and sometimes boring moments of our daily life. I miss writing….about a bunch of nothing, but that’s me….
unpredictable, happy and a complete mess at times. The truth is that sometimes I have a lot to say! I just don’t think anyone else will care….so I play it safe.

I miss blogging for the original reason I started….for fun! And to keep a journal of my families life, then later for connecting with the community. Sometimes I just don’t know where I fit in. Maybe that’s my problem….trying to make myself fit in where I don’t. Every few months I think I’ve found myself…its so funny because now I realize that I’m always evolving – always adding to who I am, who I’m becoming, and at the same time taking away some things about myself that don’t belong. I get myself on track and then somehow end up off course, only to find my path again.

You know what? Being insecure is mentally and emotionally draining! Always wondering and worrying about what someone else would say or think. Wish I knew where it comes from. Why sometimes I feel ridiculously confident – other times I’m feeling completely out of control and unworthy of motherhood. Human nature maybe?

This is why I need to write more – it helps me sort everything out.
I’ve wanted this blog to be for my kids to look back on, a fun hobby, about the joys and challenges of motherhood. It can be for all of those reasons….and I’m sure in ten years I’m going to look back and laugh at myself for worrying over such nonsense.

So I’m going to write my little heart out. Sometimes it will be random and others with more intent. I can’t promise you a schedule of posts, or that they will be any good! I just want to write.

It’s after 3am and I should probably get some sleep so I can function with my children tomorrow.

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19 thoughts on “Would You Mind If I Just Write?

  1. I can really, really relate to this! I have spent so much time stewing over how my blog “should” be. I’ve changed the name, had one blog, then two, then back to one. Sometimes I post lots about our life, and then I think people won’t be interested in it! I also love to write my thoughts out loud because, like you, it helps me to process them. In the end, I know I also just need to write what I want to write, and worry less about what others think! Looking forward to reading more of your posts!

  2. I love this post. I’m pretty new to blogging AND parenting and have already been asking myself some of what you’ve mentioned here. It is so fun to jot shown my thoughts, although I’m not much of a writer. your blog was the first one I started following because of the honesty I felt when reading what you share. There’s seems to be a very small amount of moms, especially of African decent, who share the lifestyle you have chosen. I love reading what you write it has been very encouraging for me. Although I may not comment most of the time I do read your posts and they make me smile so PLEASE keep writing. As always thanks for sharing and inspiring. 😃

    • Hey there! Most black moms are tackling serious topics that affect the black community. I know that is why I sometimes feel out of place here in blogland. I am who I am, it may not be popular among the black community, but this is me. I’m so glad you keep coming back to read whether you comment or not.

  3. It sounds your ‘confident’ times and your insecure times are just part of your healing path. Each time you ‘dip’ into feeling insecure or depressed or whatever you are in fact touching some old stuff deep within you. It is when, on some unconscious, or even conscious level resolve whatever is in there that you move into a positive state…for a short while. Its part of your search for self. Individualisation as Jung termed it. Great journey if not fraught with difficulties! But you’re on it and doing very well!!! Writing…and music…are what keeps me sane! i could never have grown so much without both of them…oh and crafting!

    • The up and down most certainly feel like dips. You here people say that finding yourself is this life altering magnificent thing, but they fail to tell you that it comes and goes in waves. And it is healing. Like you, music and knitting have become life savers.

  4. It’s so scary being an online mom. Not just with creeps online per se but with finding our blogger identity while finding a connection with such a small minority of like-minded Mamas.

    I’m the opposite – I prefer to write than talk! If someone could pay me to write down my rants and rankings then I’d be set! 😉

  5. Oh Darcel~ I simply love you~ I am Blessed to have found you in this crowded Blog World. Although there are several differences between us, I am quite certain we would be friends given we lived close by. You are so refreshingly enlightening and your precious family is Blessed. I love reading of the adventures you give your children. What a wonderful Mommy you are.
    I truly understand what you mean about writing, talking and discovering yourself. I started my Blog 5 years ago, for different reasons, yet I go back and read such interesting things about myself that I do see I have evolved as well. I have been MIA for too long and I am going to try to be back more often. I need what writing gives me. Regardless to if I have followers, comments, or what, I am going to finish what I began for myself♥
    Keep writing my Dear Friend~ you have a gift. And don’t forget the pictures! That too is a gift you posse and one day, you will be so glad you took the type of pictures you do. The simple everyday “life” shots.
    hugs & prayers~ Janis

    • Hi Janis! I’ve missed you…I was thinking about you the other day and then you commented on Facebook and now here. Your comments always put a smile on my face and warm my heart. Keeping with what we love and enjoy is what really matters. I like to think of readers and comments as a bonus.

      There will always be pictures here! Taking so many has changed the way I see the world and I love it.

      • the pictures sometimes change when the children grow…”MOM! Take that picture down!!” {tee hee}
        You are awesome & as you see, many love to read what you think. How proud your children will one day be of you & who you helped them to become♥
        enjoy the journey!

  6. love it! IVE HAD A BREAK FROM BLOGGING, NOT KNOWING WHICH DIRECTION TO TAKE, WHERE TO FOCUS. IVE DECIDE THAT I WILL GIVE ALL AND NOTHING AND EVERYTHING AND HOWEVER! oh my, i even have caps lock on and dont even know it. I am not shouting at you though, just wanted to say that i can relate 🙂

  7. I loved this post!
    I think you’ve just written down what so many of us as mothers feel inside. Sometimes I feel vulnerable writing down my inner most thoughts and putting them “out there” 🙂
    But like you I need to write and whenever I’ve shared my heart I’ve found people have reached out warmly which is an amazing feeling.
    Keep writing!

    • There’s always that fine line of sharing too much, but that’s different for each individual person. I know I’m not the only one that feels vulnerable when it comes to writing like this, but it feels so good to know I’m not alone.

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