Being A Constant

con·stant /ˈkänstənt/

Adjective – Occurring continuously over a period of time.

Noun – A situation or state of affairs that does not change.

Synonyms: steady – permanent – continual – stable – steadfast

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Sometime during our growing up we decide we want to have kids. Some plan, some don’t, but either way, here we are… We are Mothers. We nurture, protect, and love with a fierceness we’ve never felt before. The beauty of being a Constant?  For me, It’s  not a taught or learned skill…. it’s instinctual – primal.

I have had the pleasure of being  this unmoveable force for and to my children. I’ve been their biggest cheerleader, the one they come to when they are hurting physically/emotionally. I speak for them when they can’t or don’t yet have the words. I am what grounds them when situations and circumstances are ever-changing. Even on the days I don’t feel up to the task….feeling like I can’t settle one more argument, answer one more question, do one more thing for anyone else!

When the day starts out like it has, up with Nakiah until after 2am, Samuel and Ava up before 6am, I don’t feel like a Constant. I feel crabby, unsteady, and on the brink of losing it. I’ve already extinguished several disagreements between the younger two, calmed Ava because Samuel hit her in the face with one of his toy trucks – by accident, and listened to whining for over 2hrs now. I tried putting on the Tv, gave them some cereal and dozed back off with Samuel beside me on the couch, but that didn’t work this time. Samuel has been nursing for what seems to be non stop for days and it’s driving me crazy…I think his molars are coming in. In the last few moments I’ve wishes they would act and be older, I wanted them to stop acting like children and understand how I’m feeling, exhausted.

The kids don’t realize that I didn’t even get 4hrs of sleep today and even if they did, they wouldn’t care. They aren’t supposed to worry about any of that stuff, they’re kids doing kid things, living in the moment…that’s a Constant for children. I don’t have a plan for today and I need more sleep – that’s not an option right now. Instead I will be what my children need and expect….I’m going to pull myself together, make a flexible plan for the day and be the Constant they know that I am.

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6 thoughts on “Being A Constant

  1. I don’t know how you can even type on 4 hrs of sleep. I remember being sleep-deprived for over a year with my first and I was a zombie. I hope you catch some zzz this weekend

  2. well, that’s pretty darn good.
    I am also really tired today. I maybe had an hour more than you.
    I tell them I’m tired and crabby. Which is honest. I also took them to the park, which is what they wanted. All about finding a balance, right?
    XO

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