I’m going to be a quitter and stop my 30 Days of Gratitude. And this post is about so much more than that. I thought posting about things I’m grateful for everyday would make me feel better. There’s a lot of stuff going on in my life right now and I was hoping to turn my attention to other – better things.
It’s not that I don’t have a lot to be thankful for, but I realized I don’t need or want to post about it everyday.
In a fit of worry/depression I thought about quitting my blog(s)…walking away from all of it. I could give up Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. I’ve put too much focus on those things for too long. Getting wrapped up in how many times I post to my blogs Facebook page, how many people have seen it, how many liked it….maybe I should try these types of posts. Maybe if I blog like her the people will come. How many comments did I or didn’t I get on my blog post today. Wondering if I’m following the online formula correctly. In the grand scheme of life – none of that matters!
I’ve been using the online world to escape my current reality….and define who I am. I’m using numbers to determine and validate my importance in life. Not good. I’ve realized that I’ll feel better about coming here and there online when I do more offline living.
I’m not saying I’m not going to blog, tweet, or facebook….I will but I won’t have a set amount of days set aside. If I want to get back to blogging for fun and writing the way I used to years ago, I’ll need to stop the people pleasing and change my way of thinking. I need to figure out a good balance for myself. I’m turning my focus back to being, living, loving more intentionally. I miss that part of me. I miss not feeling guilt over so much stuff because I reacted in a terrible way or said no to my kids just for the sake of saying no. I don’t want them to remember me being angry all the time – with my face in the phone or computer screen.
Living with intention isn’t a cake walk, but the peace I felt living that way is worth it. My life is changing, my kids are changing, I’m changing and I want to go with it to see where all of this will take us. Maybe I’m just rambling on about a bunch of nothing. I tend to do that. And maybe you didn’t need or care to know any of this(again)…but there it is. I’m taking a different direction in many aspects of my life and I feel good about it. I think it’s going to be a fantastically hard but necessary journey.