One Day At A Time

learningcenter

How have you all been? We’re doing pretty good in our part of the world. The kids are growing so so fast and I’m going through an awakening of sorts. I’m finally working on an update to this post. It’s been a long time coming and I’ve debated on what I want to share and what I don’t. I think I’m going to keep sharing like I always have. I started this blog almost four years ago to find other moms like me, to share and connect with them, and I want to keep it that way. Even though I share a lot here, more than others may think is appropriate, it’s who I am and what I do in this space. You all know we’re going through a rough time right now and I would like to get back to writing about our life. It’s not all rainbows and roses, but it’s not Armageddon either. I want to be able to look back on this year and be able to read about the struggles and the happy moments. That’s what real life is about, right?  We plan for one thing and it almost always turns out in a different way. There have been plenty of times where I’ve thought ‘maybe I shouldn’t have said that, or I don’t want to offend anyone‘ I’m not on this earth to please everyone and I couldn’t do it if I wanted to try. The only person I need to please is me. That’s why I’ve been quiet for so long….I didn’t have anything to say and the break was nice, but now I have a lot to say.

I don’t feel as depressed as I did several months ago and I thank God and Lexapro for that.Yo know I’m living with my parents again and my brother signed p for a month free of Netflix. I caught p on Downton Abbey, Started The Walking Dead and didn’t think it was for me…I was feeling really crappy one night and decided something with blood and gore wold be just what I needed. I was hooked! I also bookmarked some documentaries for the girls. All about Dolphins for Ava and Sharks and Space for Kiah. I started watching the best show ever again, LOST. It’s almost like watching it for the first time, except I know the characters and how it ends. All that happened in between is fascinating to me all over again. There’s so much I forgot about.

The girls are heavy into doll play. They’ve taken it a step further by dressing the animals. They don’t need me as much anymore and are content to be off doing their own thing. This place is small and when they need or want something I’m not far.

pinkzebra

 

I’m still knitting and crocheting. I made these stuffed dolls for the kids. I think I’m going to make more and list them in the shop. The girls took theirs to Girl Scouts and everyone was raving over them. I have several more ideas for the designs and I’m excited to try them.

girlpillow stffedman

 

I think someone took my baby and replaced him with this big kid overnight. You should see him building trains with the legos. He has plenty of trains, trucks, airplanes, helicopters, etc… and he still loves to make his own. He’s so detailed with it. He’s always in my lap, near my lap, under my feet, lying beside me, or standing on my feet. Isn’t he getting big?

Mrman

 

I’m ready to see some green on these trees! Not long ago I was whining about snow and we had just enough for the kids to play in. It came and went, now I’m done with the cooler weather. I’m ready for the beach and flowers, and when that comes I’ll complain bout the bugs.
Oh, I’ve also started a daily devotional, words of encouragement sort of thing. It does help. I keep reminding myself to take life one day at a time. There’s no need to bring tomorrow’s problems into today. I say that to myself  when I start to feel overwhelmed, and if I’m going to be honest…I say that to myself several times a day! It really does help to keep me in the present moment. It’s so easy for me to think about six months from now, and it’s ridiculous to think that way when I don’t even know what’s coming six days from now. Considering our current situation, and if you know me well, I’m handling things very well.

baretree

 

Yo may have noticed that I’m testing out ‘water marks’ on my pictures. I like the pink, of course, but I think I’ll try to make the font a little smaller.

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A Change in Direction

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Flower from Nakiah. She said I'm the best Mom.

I’m going to be a quitter and stop my 30 Days of Gratitude. And this post is about so much more than that. I thought posting about things I’m grateful for everyday would make me feel better. There’s a lot of stuff going on in my life right now and I was hoping to turn my attention to other – better things.
It’s not that I don’t have a lot to be thankful for, but I realized I don’t need or want to post about it everyday.

In a fit of worry/depression I thought about quitting my blog(s)…walking away from all of it. I could give up Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. I’ve put too much focus on those things for too long. Getting wrapped up in how many times I post to my blogs Facebook page, how many people have seen it, how many liked it….maybe I should try these types of posts. Maybe if I blog like her the people will come. How many comments did I or didn’t I get on my blog post today. Wondering if I’m following the online formula correctly. In the grand scheme of life – none of that matters!
I’ve been using the online world to escape my current reality….and define who I am. I’m using numbers to determine and validate my importance in life. Not good. I’ve realized that I’ll feel better about coming here and there online when I do more offline living.
I’m not saying I’m not going to blog, tweet, or facebook….I will but I won’t have a set amount of days set aside. If I want to get back to blogging for fun and writing the way I used to years ago, I’ll need to stop the people pleasing and change my way of thinking. I need to figure out a good balance for myself. I’m turning my focus back to being, living, loving more intentionally. I miss that part of me. I miss not feeling guilt over so much stuff because I reacted in a terrible way or said no to my kids just for the sake of saying no. I don’t want them to remember me being angry all the time – with my face in the phone or computer screen.

Living with intention isn’t a cake walk, but the peace I felt living that way is worth it. My life is changing, my kids are changing, I’m changing and I want to go with it to see where all of this will take us. Maybe I’m just rambling on about a bunch of nothing. I tend to do that. And maybe you didn’t need or care to know any of this(again)…but there it is. I’m taking a different direction in many aspects of my life and I feel good about it. I think it’s going to be a fantastically hard but  necessary journey.